At some point in time, or perhaps location in time, driver's license hopefuls in Tokyo were able to walk the closed testing circuit before their driving test (the better to memorize the layout with).
This was not true on the day of my driving test, and my legs appear to have over-compensated in some form, though I cannot provide a heat map demonstrating the laps I paced around town, the park, and two conbinis (among others), none of which contributed meaningfully to me obtaining a driver's license.
But I did get one!
My big day starts at 20:30 the night before. It is at this point I think 'I should be a good Canon and get 7.5 hours of sleep (5 sleep cycles!) the night before'.
Shortly afterward, I recall that my trip to the driver's license center will be around 90 minutes, and that my roll-call time is 8:00. Some simple math (and allowance for any amount of breathing after waking up) concludes that I need to get to bed in an hour's time. You're never too old to go to bed at 9:30 PM.
Sleep is good, because it makes sure that you'll remember to check one more time the documents you looked over probably like four times -
The first time of this being after the *last* time you left for the driver's license center around 6:00, only to find out that they actually need your driver's license translation on the day of your test, even though they checked it in-person a few months previous.
To properly show how backed up the queues in Tokyo are, that day was approximately 4 months ago.
Approximately 4 months and 3 days ago, I was on a private test course in Saitama, exchanging about 3 copies of Kirby Air Riders (one of which is unopened on my desk as I write this), or perhaps 4 copies of Kirby Air Ride, for 2 hours of practice time with an instructor.
On that day, I was told that it was good that I was taking the test in August, as the test would be becoming more strict in October, with a well-deserved upgrade to the written test (which formerly consisted of 10 questions on the level of 'should you drive drunk if you know you're good for it, like really it's fine don't worry') and a minor buff to the practical.
Thanks to muscle memory, I also drove on the wrong side of the road approximately once for each copy of Kirby Air Ride, so I must stress - the practice was invaluable.
Returning to the present day, I found myself going over the 'things you should bring' paper (which I conveniently stuffed into a drawer and forgot about the first time, along with all the things I was supposed to bring) and accompanying 'tips for the test you're taking' pamphlet.
With a second lesson in Saitama and all its worth-its-weight-in-maimai-credits tips fresh on my mind (stay a little bit center of left; make sure to check the proper sequence of mirrors and line of sight when turning; really, seriously, do not rush), I found myself looking over the pamphlet and thinking:
It really is all written here.
This is not a negative thing! If you search, there's no shortage of posts about how the driver's license test is unfair or not representative of real life. That foreigners will always fail at least once. That it depends on whether your examiner dropped their toast on the floor that morning.
And this might be true! The most I can say as a counterpoint is - under ideal circumstances, it IS possible on the first time, and everything that my instructor taught me (and that you'll be tested on) is written in unambiguous sentences in the pamphlet.
And let me stress again - the instruction WAS worth it. Reading and practicing reinforce each other, and moreover, it's important to remind yourself that driving is boring.
It's rote, and routine, and even when you have to put on a performance on a closed course which doesn't reflect the reality lived by getting stuck in Silicon Valley traffic jams for a decade of your life, it's just a job, as much yours as theirs.
Memorize the script. Put on a show, and remember that every part of your body goes into demonstrating your attention to detail. Awaken your inner train nerd as you mutter 'mirror, ok; blind spot, ok; pedestrian check, ok' for the fourth time as you make a tight left turn.
But this isn't a motivational lecture. This is supposed to be about how I did like 10 laps of a drugstore because I was waiting for an 1GB game to download off of Wi-fi! I then bought a watermelon sour that is still in my backpack, come to think of it.
If you find yourself standing outside the test car at about 9:00, with the instructor asking if you practiced at a school because even though you brushed two curbs, you executed the rest of the test perfectly, you might find yourself receiving a slip instructing you to come back at 11:30.
You have a phone with some anime and light novels loaded on it, but not the game you've been playing recently (a mobile port of Yamafuda, a laid-back - one might even say yuru - deckbuilder about a pink girl and a blue girl who climb mountains), because you had to punt it off your phone to make space for some practice videos provided by your practice instructor.
And besides, your brain isn't really functioning right now, with some mix of adrenaline, release, and the reminder that you woke up 4 hours ago at 5:00 and have had only like half of a melonpan (because you had to run for your train and then only were able to eat while waiting for your connection).
So you wander outside the testing grounds. You walk past it, in the other direction from the station (which you've walked to enough this year already).
You end up in a nice park with nice autumn orange colors and a relatively dried-up river, and find a stamp for the local park and ink it onto a freely-provided slip of paper (held down by a Charizard figure) for a souvenir.
The time is about 10:00.
After walking around for long enough, you think 'I'd probably go to the Denny's I saw earlier, get the drink bar, and connect to their wifi so I can back up the last few months of photos.'
You climb up the stairs to the Denny's entrance on the second floor, and poke your phone. You're unable to figure out if Denny's has wifi. You climb back down.
You walk to the drugstore nearby, figuring you can look for cheap snacks (it'll beat the conbinis) or beverages.
Your phone connects to the drugstore wifi automatically, and you realize you should probably download Yamafuda again. You begin the download and start looking at all the random food items in the store, half out of hunger and half for entertainment.
You contemplate the existence of pet food, hand cream, curry pouches with kids' show characters on it, frozen pasta, and a chocolate grab bag called Best Variety.
Your eyes fall upon the watermelon sour, because you mistook the same-brand apple sour for a watermelon sour last weekend when you were drinking and playing Kirby Air Riders with your friends and cursing the Rocket Star.
The time is about 10:30. You do a few laps of the two Family Marts amd walk back to the park.
You watch episode 7 of Rock Is a Lady's Modesty (not to be confused with that other recent anime about rocks and ladies) on a park bench.
In this episode, a band of rival girls with delightfully modern-Pokemon-like designs (complimentary) is rolled out. Every interaction, as typical, alternates between a girl clearly attempting to ragebait another, and expressing desires about rock that would be less sensual in nature if they literally just talked about making out.
The translator for the anime understands this message clearly as every line is absolutely dripping with... well, actually that sentence uses a good enough verb already.
Everyone gets mad at each other with their instruments again and says stuff like 'I want to take a peek behind the abyss, but I can't', followed by a literally BDSM delusion.
The blue-haired prince of the (girls') school says 'I'll become who you all wish me to be', but is kindly rebuffed by the protagonist with 'Why pressure yourself to be what we want? You said you'd change yourself with rock!'.
This is probably only the second-most gender thing about this anime which stops every five minutes to remind you of its main plot about how all interaction is performance. Wait, can I tie this into the driving test?
After returning to the driver's license center and sitting in the waiting area until about 15 minutes past 11:30, contemplating whether it's legal to look at your phone inside the building, an instructor comes out and calls the names of the scant handful of people who passed the test.
You recall that in the morning, the instructors mentioned amongst themselves 'there should be 40 people today', and that there were at least 10 people waiting in your line alone. Did you really get that lucky?
You pay for your license, and the clerk tells you to come back at 13:30.
You end up going to Denny's after all. As it turns out, the wifi sucks at Denny's and disconnects you constantly, but it's enough to browse the internet at least and search things like 'is it possible for me to not get my driver's license if they tell me I passed but I'm late because I lost track of time at Denny's'.
You order the daily special, a teriyaki chicken plate with a side of salad and broccoli and two small strips of bacon. You order it because it's less than 1000 yen and it comes with drink bar, which only feels appropriate if you want to look like somebody who is allowed to burn 90 minutes at a Denny's.
At 13:15 (another 15 minutes of reading the kanji on the far wall at the drivers' license center included), you are guided to a photo room with an extremely tired employee, where the 3 of you take drivers' license photos.
You are walked around a few floors of the building before ending up at the office where licenses are actually issued. They tell you to come back at 14:50.
You do a lap of both Family Marts, then decide to go back to the drugstore and buy a milktea, because you're ready to fall asleep at this point. You lean against the one railing that doesn't intersect a parking space, do Japanese flashcards for half an hour, and think about when you should post to social media again since you've been intentionally away all test day.
Finally, at 15:00, you have a driver's license.
You spend far too long staring at it trying to figure out if your address is correct because you're not used to the street number being in kanji, thus throwing off your muscle memory of the order of numbers.
You think about how 7 hours earlier, a clerk asked you where you live and you recited your entire address (incorrectly). They then clarified 'oh I mean just the ward'.
The hair in your license looks bad. That's what happens when you take photos that late in the day. At least it's better than the time you tried to intentionally open your eyes wide before your first license and ended up looking like someone who would jump out with an axe during a Halloween movie.
It's pretty late in the day. You might hit rush hour on your way home. But at least you can finally nap on the train. (No! Didn't you download Yamafuda for a reason?)
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